just the usual late night self pitying, yick!
turning 20 in a couple of months.. still all alone. oh, wait, not alone, just lonely. and i hate it. i want someone. and i want a hug. no, lots of hugs. then theres fridell. hes a cool guy, but such a slob! everytime he touches me it makes me sick, dont want anything more with him, its already too much. i mean, its just a walk at the base, but he puts so much more in it. and those creepy txt messages.. gaah, i dont know what to do!
know i dont look good, im not even very nice, kinda cruel to be honest. but isnt this shit "there's someone for everyone" true? its not like im just sitting around waiting for someone to come up to me. actually trying real hard, but nope, nothing. probably trying too hard. but, how long do i have to wait? most of my friends are getting married ffs!
one (only) thing is for sure, this staying sober-thing is profitable. plus i dont do things ill have to regret for the rest of my life. in my head i see his look, every single day, every single hour, i see that hate in those eyes. and all i can do is blame myself and feel the pain again. the look i got that thursday i will never, ever, forget. geez, im so incredibly stupid.
and, as always, this is all about me. me, me, me.. i truly disgust myself. thank god no ones reading this.
looove the weather
819
its been such a great week! båtåka, swimming, soccer, long walk with fridolito, volleyball, great running, talking to oskar and lots and lots of other funfun stuff! but best of all is the weather! bout 70°F every day and heaps of sun!
"i kill you..!"
early mornings suck
im tired as an old cow. dad woke me up at 6.13 today. didnt get to bed until like one yesterday, wasnt finished painting the boat until midnight.. yeye, tonight im off to the base again. so enough with all the boring work with boats, cars and lawning. plus ill hopefully get some time over to meet fridolito again. so, ive got quite high expectations about this week considering were going to get some båtåka!:D
[ein medveethslurs pangshonear]
pensioners night at home. that was the feeling i had last night. its like yelling, complaining and cuddling is all they can do. geez, it gets me (and sara) tired and not wanting anything to do with them. felt like playing bingolotto was the next step. i mean, who starts arguing about the dishes in front of their guests? it was really just embarressing and uncomfortable. mjusch, me dont like couples.
